"I'll never be normal!!!" I screamed, with tears streaming down my cheeks, as I pounded my fists on the floor, burying my head in the burgundy carpet. "I'll never have any friends." I said, looking at my mother who was trying to get me to understand subtraction for about the hundredth time. This is ADHD life through the eyes of non-medicated 7-year-old.
Let me introduce myself... my name is Elizabeth. I have red hair, pale skin, blue eyes, allergies, and a love for photography. Oh, and I have ADHD, along with a sleep disorder and math comprehension disorder. One thing people often don't understand is that ADHD isn't just a disorder that only impacts my concentration; ADHD is part of who I am. Just like I'm a redhead, I'm a teen with ADHD. It's a part of me that impacts every single thing I do. Many people seem to think that ADHD is confined to a "box", so to speak, as if ADHD was limited. But no, ADHD does not just affect one or two aspects of my personality, it affects everything.
Let me tell you my story...
By about age 5, I started showing symptoms of ADHD. I was hyper, disobedient, scatterbrained, and completely unable to focus on anything. As I grew older, my symptoms became more serious. By the time I was about 7, it was obvious that I wasn't going to grow out of my "issues". It wasn't just a phase. My parents knew there was something more to it, but wasn't sure what.
So they scheduled an appointment with my pediatrician. He suspected it was ADHD, but referred my parents to counselling and testing facilities. So they had me tested, and I was diagnosed with ADHD. They tried explaining it to me, but understanding ADHD is practically impossible for an 7-year-old.
I wasn't sure exactly what was wrong with me, but I knew it was serious.
I knew I didn't like testing.
I knew being with the ADHD counselor made extremely frustrated.
She would talk to me while I played with the toys in her office.
She used lots of "big words" that I didn't understand.
I didn't understand why all of this was happening to me.
I didn't understand why I didn't have friends.
I didn't understand why I couldn't be as good as my non-ADHD siblings, no matter how hard I tried.
I was homeschooled, and spent countless days crying and screaming in frustration.
We began going to a neurologist, and she prescribed a typical ADHD medicine for me. It didn't work. So she prescribed the next typical ADHD medicine. It made me not be able to sleep. After 3 months of getting 1-2 hours of sleep each night, we switched again.
This process of trying out every mainstream ADHD medicine on the market continued for 3 years. Some of them had miserable side effects, and one even permanently damaged my memory. I don't remember anything from about a year of my life because of that medicine. I still have memory issues to this day, but they are not as severe as they were when I was taking the medicine.
We finally found the right combination of medicines for me. I'm not sure why or how they work, because only one or two of the 5 are actually for ADHD. Even then, they affected my sleep, so we had to figure out a combination of sleep medicines to counteract them at night.
For the past 5 years, I've been taking those medicines every morning and every night. Once I had medicine that worked, I noticed the difference. Before, ADHD completely controlled my brain. I had no control. I was fighting, but ADHD was winning. Now, ADHD is just a "cloud" in my mind. Its still there, and still affects me, but now, as long as I take my medicine, I'm in control. Not ADHD. I am.
It's still a constant struggle. I still have trouble focusing, staying on task, and making friends. On the bright side, I know who my real friends are, because the people who were never real friends are long gone. Only my true friends will actually put up with me and my selfishness, forgetfulness, randomness, and everything else I am.
I still get frustrated, but with my medicine, I can control myself. School is a struggle. Everything is a struggle. But I know eventually the struggle will pay off.
